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Archive for September, 2008

Back in England.

I’m more travel-weary than I can ever recall, but I’ve had a good cry and a hot shower is next on the list.  When Francis gets home from work: two weeks worth of snuggling.  More later.

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I made it safe and sound!

I’m all jet lagged and hungry but I’m here and happy.

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Tomorrow = Portland!

I’ll be arriving late tomorrow!  (After 21 hours of travel via Detroit and Seattle, wheeeee!)

Not everyone reads my blog, so if you know of someone who will want to see me, please let them know.  I’ll be in town until the 23rd when I’m going to Albuquerque, then back on the 26th, then returning to England on the 29th.  It’s going to be tight, especially since I’m attending various activities for Alison’s wedding (yay!), but I’m hoping to get to see everyone.

Greater Trumps, the Goodfoot, and Apizza Scholls here I come!

Oh, and I’ll be staying with Jennifer, so if you want to find me, call her.

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What dat?

What are you doing?

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Good news and bad news.

The good news is: I’ll be in Portland soon!  I’m arriving late on September 16th, am out of town from the 23rd to the afternoon of the 26th (to go see my dear friend Celia and her family in Albuquerque), and returning to England on the 29th.  I want to see as many of you lovely Portlanders as possible, and I know it’s a tight visit, so please let me know when you might have time to hang out!

The bad news is: I finally have to admit to being actually depressed.  It’s not just stress and culture shock and homesickness.  I’m not doing so great, and I’ve got those classic and dreaded symptoms of depression in abundance.  I’ve been in bed 10-11 hours a night, frequently waking in the middle of the night only to not be able to fall asleep again for hours.  I’ve been weepy and peevish and prickly and moody.  (Poor, sweet, kind Francis never knows from one minute to the next what my state of mind is going to be like.)  I’ve been having trouble with my appetite; stomach aches and headaches are the culprits there.

Mostly, I feel exhausted and overwhelmed.  At this point I am just waiting it out.  Waiting until we can move back into our flat, waiting to visit Portland and Albuquerque, and waiting for a job to show up.  (I manage to do at least a little job searching every day, and have been occasionally getting calls back.  No more interviews yet, though: everyone in the industry goes on holiday for August, it would seem.)

Anyway.  I’ve tried to keep things positive on this blog; I really haven’t wanted to worry anyone.  I didn’t want to make posts that were pointlessly complainy or whiny, but I’m afraid that I haven’t been painting the whole picture.  (I know, I can hear some of you saying “Well, DUH.”)  Nothing bad has happened, it’s just that everything has caught up with me and my already taxed brain chemicals have just gone haywire.  I’m so grateful that Francis is wonderfully patient and caring, and I’m glad to say that we’ve been a source of support for each other through the various types of stress and upheaval.  His family, too, is very kind and welcoming (just so very different than my family!).

But basically what I wanted to say is: I’m really sorry that I haven’t been calling or emailing.  Between our internet connection problems and feeling lethargic, I feel horribly guilty and worry that I’m hurting someone’s feelings.  Honestly, I don’t want to talk and be all weepy, and am just a bit self-absorbed at this point.  I think about you all a lot, though, and you always have my love.

I know that this will pass when things get a bit easier.  The trip back to the States will help a lot, I’m sure.  It will be so good to see everyone, and I’m betting I’ll feel recharged by the time I head back to England.  And I have lots to write about: seeing Carmen at Glydebourne, touring Hampton Court, English bumblebees…

For now, though, I’m just doing one thing at a time.

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